“03:00 am” — It’s the time I mark on my cell phone screen. I would like to say that I’m too happy and that’s why I can’t sleep or that I just got back from a date with excited people and that I’m going to sleep now. The truth is that I’m too anxious and I can’t even breathe properly, that’s why I came
It is not my first crisis, but it is the first time it has happened close to each other, both for completely different reasons, but the discomfort is the same…
My mind can’t rest, the absence of air is increasingly present, different from you.
Have you ever stopped to think that getting used to something or someone is charmingly magical? That the routine is addictive? And that everything has its end? And break a habit is so scary?
This week I was stable, everything started well, I felt in a safe haven, I was so comfortable that I even got to feel at peace as I haven’t felt for a long time, and as always a hurricane passed in here and everything that was impeccably perfect became a mess!!
No one has an obligation to stay in anyone’s life and I understand that. No one is prepared to live with anxious-depressive people. Imagine, if we can’t even get who will say the others.
After the hurricane leaves, observing the disorder that everything stayed is demotivating! Reorganizing the chaos is always exhausting, it gives a desire to neither leave the room, nor from the bed, nor under the duvet…
“03:30 am” — everything is kind of gray, probably later it will be cloudy, although the weather forecast announced yesterday that Saturday will be sunny and clear skies.
I know that everything will be fine, I have this conscience, but the path will be long and painful, until everything passes and I will adapt to the routine of absence, so I prefer not to have many by my side, as I said: no one has an obligation to stay by my side in these moments of crisis, I understand, accept and take as a rule to ask before: “Have you ever dealt with someone anxious-depressive?”, in fact I always warn the people, but now I will start to ask or go the easiest way — avoid them.
I’m starting to get sleepy, I can breathe better, my eyes are starting to bother so I’ll take the opportunity to finally get to rest.
Ah! And thank you for listening to me.